Seven Nights to Remember

11 May,2007

“I’m sorry! He’s no more!”

That young lady stared at me with calm in her eyes.

I repeated again:

“I tried my best but I couldn’t save him, Miss”.

And she smiled back.

Then, I heard Sarah calling me for lunch. I gazed at that young lady for a second before going towards my wife. Today marked our 4^th anniversary and we were going to celebrate it at our favorite cafe. Sarah and I decided to walk as it was pleasant weather outside. There was comparatively less traffic on road as it was about to rain at any time soon. I was telling Sarah about that strange young lady and how she was smiling to which Sarah responded:
“Ahmar! It’s cool. Now tell me what do you want to have for lunch?”
I knew she didn’t want to talk about that girl so we changed the topic and had our best time together.

 The rest of the day at hospital was quite casual but I can’t get her smiling face out of my mind. On my way back home, I was thinking that maybe if it weren’t for abu, I’d never be a surgeon. Actually, I enjoy being at work. I just hate the part of breaking the news of someone’s death and the fact that due to my crazy work hours, I got less time to spend with my daughter- Eliana.

Later at night, I saw “her” in my dream. She was shouting at me that I killed her father. I tried to explain but she wasn’t listening. I could feel my body shaking and was breathing heavily. I tried my hardest to shout but my lips were sealed. Then, I heard Eliana crying. I was running here and there to find her but it seems to be just a mere sound. It was an empty long road and there was no one around. The noise inside my head was getting louder bit by bit making it harder for me to breathe and I felt paralyzed at that very moment.

After a while, I heard Sarah calling my name. She was trying to wake me up with a glass of water in her hand. I regained consciousness slowly. I looked up at her with tears streaming down on my face and background room was slowly fading away. My legs were still shaking, lips were blue and was breathing slowly. I tried to shut my eyes but i felt that there was a heavy weight on my eyelids. I could barely see anything.

12 May,2007

Today, I woke up early with clear mind. I have done two successful surgeries back to back and I was quite happy. Then, I got back home only to found out that Eliana and Sarah were not at home. So, I decided to read a book. About half an hour passed by when I felt someone’s eyes were on me. I tried to concentrate on book but the sound of footsteps which were approaching towards me distracted my attention. I looked up and there was no one. I started reading again when the phone rang. I got up to attend the call. There was some girl on the phone who said:
 “Take good care of yourself”

And then the call disconnected. I stared at phone and went back to the living room. I was looking for the book which magically diappeared when I heard footsteps again. I left the living room immediately and went up to my room and closed the door. After 5 minutes, I heard Eliana’s voice asking me to open the door.
I take a deep sigh and opened the door but there was no one.

When Sarah got back home 2 hours later, we had dinner in our room.

13 May,2007

Last night I couldn’t sleep more than half an hour so I was feeling dizzy but I had to go to attend an important conference. Overall, it was a busy day. I had dinner at home, played with Eliana and then went to sleep.
Whenever I tried to sleep, I felt someone’s presence around me but in reality, there was no one.
It was such a strange and miserable feeling.

14 May,2007

It was raining in the morning. I was feeling all better and happy and had breakfast with Eliana. Then, I went to hospital and had a meeting with Dr. Kamal. It was a hectic day at work and I missed Abu today. He always wanted me to be a surgeon and today, he isn’t here with me. I felt kind of gloomy so I went to sleep early.

15 May,2007

Last night, I again had that dream around 1 a.m and was shouting hysterically. Surprisingly, I barely remember any dream. I think, I spent my entire night reading a book before I saw “her” again sitting on the sofa in my room.

In the morning, I saw “her” again in our room staring quietly at me for 10 minutes and then she smiled and whispered something which I couldn’t listen. Then, she disappeared and then I saw her sitting right beside me. Then, all of a sudden, she disappeared again. I decided to tell Sarah about it. I quickly get out of bed but she already left for her job. At hospital, there was no surgery today so I was all relaxed.

While I was on my way back home, a strange thing happened. Dr. Kamal and I entered elevator at the same time. He was casually talking about his son when I heard whispering. It was “she” again. I looked at Kamal immediately but he was still talking like nothing happened. I told him about the whispering but he was looking at me with surprise. Then he said:
 “Are you okay? There’s no one here.”

And suddenly, elevator stopped and she was smiling standing behind Dr. Kamal. I was about to cry but could barely breathe. Then, Kamal dropped me at my place.
I took a shower and took some sleeping pills and went to bed.

16 May,2007

By 6 am, I got out of my bed. My head was pounding because of no sleep but I need some activity so i made breakfast for Sarah and Eliana. Then, we all went to Sarah’s parents.

I didn’t see “her” all day and had a normal day. Sarah and Eliana stayed there but I went back home and I regretted that later at night.

17 May,2007

It was 2 in the morning when I heard someone calling my name. I thought it’s a dream again. But then I heard Eliana crying. I got up immediately only to see an empty room. She was crying loudly and I was looking for her restlessly. Now, doorbell was ranging so I went to check and there was no one outside. I went to living room and took a quick nap of 15 minutes when I saw “her” coming towards me with a knife covered with blood in her hand. I couldn’t think of anything except to run for my life. I was bare-foot, shouting loudly for help and running on empty roads. All I remember is running aimlessly as fast as I could. But the faster I run, the distance between me and “her” gets shorter. I fall countless times but didn’t stopped running. It was about an hour later when I realized I was running on a long empty road with no end and have no one around. It was all dark and I could barely see. Then, I got hit by a car and before getting unconscious, I see “her” driving the car.

I had no idea how I went to hospital but when I woke up again it was 6 in the evening. Sarah and Eliana were both there and I quickly looked around but she wasn’t there. Sarah asked how I felt and I just nod my head. I really wanted to get back to sleep but whenever I closed my eyes I see “her” again. I struggled with sleep for an hour then, I saw Abu smiling and all of a sudden, I felt light and fell sleep.

I missed Abu a lot these days. Its been 10 years since he left me after a long illness. He raised me all alone. I remember when he was diagnosed with brain tumor and I did his operation myself. Everyone was crying but I wasn’t because how can a murderer cry?
I felt like I killed him.
I was a surgeon and couldn’t save him.

After his death, i used to see him around me all the time. He talked to me and i answered him back. I was quite happy those days but then, kamal forced me to go to clinic. I don’t want to because i wasn’t ill.
One year later, I met Sarah at the hospital when I was fighting with schizophrenia.

23 May,2027

I missed Baba today a lot. It’s been a week since he left us and i still can’t believe it. Today, i’m reading his diary and I sobbed a lot. He fought with his illness so bravely.
Then, I heard mama calling:
 “Eliana?”

So I closed baba’s diary with heavy heart and promised myself to complete it at some other time and went downstairs.